Ceilings

We rushed into the car

piling in bags, undone and bulging

shoes thrown on the floor

slamming open the tin lined gate

I reversed as quick as I could

eyes glued to the rear view mirror

Driving down the road I promised

'this is the last time'

heading South, no returning

familiar landscapes become strange

burying the old to reveal new

A baptism.

I came up gasping, staring at the strange ceiling

feeling the uncomfortable cold of the aircon 

prayer hand emoji on every message

those first few weeks felt like eons

it was a blink of God's eye

Hands warm against my back

stretching out to guide

I can't remember words or food or

whether the sun was shining

I existed, free, for small pockets of time

Old ways, old fears, moldy tears, dry gears.

Recovering feeling

blood tingles at the tip of my fingers

heat seeps into window cracks 

each view is gumtree lined and water coloured

thought lines are blurred and then reestablished

we slow dance to unromantic music

Wet, bedraggled, with belongings cluttering every corner

I take one step on slimy, muddy shores

another step, another meal, another day

another ceiling becoming familiar

flapping gauze protects the ceiling vents

crawling cockroaches and spiders kept at bay.